Keywords: 07, Ch., Stargazing,

"*Author's Note:

This doesn't contain sex with celebrities... although there are real celebrities that are central to the story. (And I apologize in advance for any and all FICTIONAL liberties taken with them! :)

This series is more about how and why people become obsessed with "stars."

And yes, everyone in this story is 18+...

So, turn up your collar, feather your hair, put that big comb in your back pocket and splash on some Polo, because we're going back to high school in the 80's!

Just one word of caution, while there is sex in this series, it does take some time to get there!

With that in mind, let's go back to a time when no one owned a mobile phone, the Internet was a pipe dream, and computers took up entire rooms, not just laps.

Hey ho, let's go...

-----"*

"I take it you and Dale had a lover's spat," Carrie said across the lunch table.

"It's more than a spat, or at least, that's what I hear," Wendy said knowingly, always up on the latest gossip and always willing to share it. "Holly Larson's got him wrapped around her little finger!"

"Did you break up?" Carrie asked. Andi was sitting quietly, her hand in Tom's. Watching them made me feel a little sick. They were the perfect couple. So normal.

"We were never together," I told her lightly. At least, I hoped it sounded light. "He's free to do what he wants to do."

"I'll say," Wendy cried, looking toward the lunch line.

I let my eyes wander casually toward the line, already knowing what I would find, but looking anyway. Dale was leaning against the wall, thumbs hooks in his belt loops. Holly was standing in front of him, thisclose, laughing and flipping her long blonde hair over her shoulder with a toss of her head. She looks like a horse when she does that, I thought. A "big" horse.

"Do you think Holly's fat?" I asked, trying to make it sound like and innocent question.

"Holly Larson?" Andi cried. "Are you kidding me? She's a cheerleader!"

"So?" I asked, glancing toward them again. Holly was, in fact, wearing her cheerleading outfit. The short skirt rode up disgustingly high on her thighs. "I mean, don't you think she's a little heavy in the "derriere"?"

"In the "what"?" Carrie asked, sitting up straight.

"Take French," Tom said with a laugh. "It means, tastefully, her rear-end. And, no, actually, she's quite well-proportioned. What you might consider a bodacious babe."

"What "you" might consider a bodacious babe," I said. "Not me."

"He'd better not consider her at all," Andi said, half- kidding, half-serious.

"You're just jealous because she's gorgeous," Tom said.

"Thanks a lot," Andi said. "So what am I, chopped liver?"

"You're cute," Tom said. Andi punched him on the arm. "Okay, okay, you're the most beautiful girl in the whole world!"

"Now I think you went to far in the other direction," Andi said.

Tom leaned close to her, his face inches from hers.

"You're the only girl I want to be with," he said softly, and rubbed her nose with his. Then he kissed her.

"Awwww!" Wendy and Carrie chorused, and then made gagging noises.

"Grow up, you guys," I said, shaking my head, my eyes still glued to Dale and Holly.

"You grow up!" Carrie retorted. "You say you aren't going together, but you act like you own him or something!"

"No." I denied it. "Like I said, he can go out with anyone he wants to. He's free."

"Yeah, sure he is," Andi said, shaking her head. "Sure."

"What was that supposed to mean?" I asked, looking quickly away from Dale. He had just seen me.

"Nothing," Andi said with a sigh. "You wouldn't listen to me, anyway. You'd just go off and do what you have to do. I've tried."

"We are "free"," I emphasized. "Completely and totally. No strings attached."

"Yeah," Tom agreed, taking some of Carrie's fries. She slapped his hand. I waited for him to finish. "Yeah, but is it what you really want?" He popped the fries into his mouth.

I couldn't answer him. I didn't know.

*****

"How's my little girl today?"

I glanced at my father as I came into the apartment. He was up and dressed, a phenomenon since he'd been fired. The television was turned off. Something was up.

"Fine," I replied. "Where's Mom?"

"She's in the laundry room, washing my work clothes," my father said. "How was school?"

"Fine," I replied, peeling off my coat and hanging it over a kitchen chair.

"Learn anything new?"

"No," I answered, taking off my shoes. What was he up to? He was never this amiable. Maybe we won the Lotto, I thought. Ha ha. Not that it would solve any of my problems.

"No!" he cried. "Is that why you go to school? To learn nothing?"

"I learned what the sine and cosine functions do in trig," I told him, appeasing him.

"Well, that will be helpful in later years, won't it?" he chuckled. "Why don't you ask me what I did today?"

Ah-hah. Here it was.

"What did you do today?" I echoed.

"I got a job," he said, smiling. "Hauling cars. Isn't that great?"

I stared for a moment, stunned. So he had gotten himself a job. Big deal, I thought. He shouldn't have lost his last one. I remembered Danny's sympathetic look as he handed me back the peanut butter so that cashier could take it off our bill at Kroger's. I remembered the cashier's impatience and disgust. I remembered my own embarrassment. Yet I was supposed to be happy for this man, sitting in his chair as if it were a throne, this man who claimed to be my father. Biologically, yes. In any other definition of the word, never.

I was angry. And I was feeling sorry for myself, and for my mother. Never for him. The man had no conscience. Any man who would put other human beings through what he had, by choice, put us through, could not possibly have any feelings left at all for anyone but himself.

"Yeah," I replied, being perfunctory. "It's pretty terrific. I have homework."

I left quickly, taking my books to my room. I didn't want to say any of the things that were on the tip of my tongue. I was afraid he would hurt me—and Dale wouldn't be here this time to bail me out.

Shutting the door, I dropped my books. How long? I wondered bitterly. How long will it be before he gets caught stealing again, or has a fist fight with a co-worker or his boss? How long will this one last?

"Sara?" My father, at the door, a soft rapping.

"Yeah?" I asked. "What do you want?"

"Are you okay?" he asked. I almost laughed, but I started to cry instead. Silently.

"I'm fine," I replied, keeping the tremble from my voice.

I waited, and his heavy footsteps receded into the living room.

How long? I wondered again. How long before you learn? How long before I can get out of here, away from you?

"Forever," I said aloud, and the words startled me, easily expressing my greatest fear. "Oh, God," I said softly, sinking to the floor, the heels of my hands pressed against my eyes. "Forever, it seems like forever."

*****

Holly waited for me.

I had brushed by her in the girls' bathroom after school, her leaving, me coming in. We hadn't spoken. We never did. But, coming out of the bathroom, the halls empty and her high heels clicking, echoing, I saw Holly leaning against my locker, waiting. I hadn't expected her to wait. I hadn't expected that at all.

"Hello, Sara," Holly said coolly.

"Hi. How's Josh?" I asked, stepping in front of her.

"I haven't talked to him lately," Holly said. "I wouldn't know."

"So I've noticed," I said. The tension between us was nearly tangible. "What do you want?"

"I want you to leave me alone," Holly told me, hugging her books to her chest. "You're really being very childish about this situation."

"Me?" I cried, incredulous. "I haven't said one word to you about this situation."

"You don't have to."

"What do you mean?" I asked, glancing around.

The halls were completely empty now. All the teachers had departed in their middle-class, middle-size cars. Students had quickly vacated the hallways, going in cars or in sluggish yellow school busses.

"I mean that every time you're around us, you watch us like a hawk. I'm really surprised that you haven't made a scene already. Dale and I have discussed this, but—"

"Dale and you?" I scoffed. Something had just wrenched my heart from my chest. "You discussed what? Your relationship? Our relationship?"

"I hate to disillusion you, Sara, but you and Dale never had a relationship," Holly said, her eyes narrowing. "From what he tells me, it was a one-way street. Why can't you accept the fact that he's let you go? Just give him up."

"To you?" I asked. "If he's given me up, why does he still talk about me?" Holly didn't answer. "We were never attached, I'll grant you that. He's free to do what he wants to do. I just thought he had better taste."

Holly gasped. "My God, what kind of monster are you? You don't want him, but you don't want anyone else to have him, either. Do you know how selfish that is?"

"It's really none of your business," I said softly. Whoever had ripped my heart out was now taking hunks out of it with small, sharp incisors. "I don't feel like discussing it with you. What went on is our business, and I don't care if you marry him, just stay out of my life. Believe me, I'll stay out of yours."

I turned away and started toward the doors that would lead me into the parking lot. The sun, warm for February, slanted through the glass, throwing shadows on the floor. My chest hurt and I bit my lip hard enough to draw blood. It stopped my tears. I shoved the door open, not looking back. The pain throbbed, something like a heartbeat, and wouldn't stop. It hurt so much, so much.

And Dale was waiting for me, leaning against Whitney's wine-colored hood.

*****

"What do you want?" I demanded, once I was able to breathe again. I glared at him, my heart aching. This was too much for one day.

"Sara," he began softly. "I want to—"

"Your girlfriend already gave me this lecture, thank you very much," I snapped, unlocking Whitney's door. "She played her part well, you needn't worry.

Keywords: 07, Ch., Stargazing,